she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i came on her dog
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
