Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
