Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
