I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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