Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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