I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
