he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
