I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
