I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
