I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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