i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fuck appropriateness.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
