his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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