bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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