Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
