I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
worst night to have a conscience
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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