So drunk its hurt
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
