im drinking this country out of the recession.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
