Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
