He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
