I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
