Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
