If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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