Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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