Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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