Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
