Im at strip club and am horny
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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