I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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