I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
