someone owes me an orgasm
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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