Duck Duck Cougar?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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