He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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