A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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