last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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