Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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