I'm gonna have a badass scar
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
