Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
