She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize