Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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