my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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