ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
