I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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