Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
