Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
