Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
