Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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