if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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