He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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