break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize