I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
