Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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