Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You've changed since you got that strap on
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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