We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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