smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
