I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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