Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
