We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
