I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
