who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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