I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
