sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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