Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
